Many kids go through a picky eating phase at some time in their lives. We can all think of a child we know who hates it when his foods touch on the plate, or refuses to eat broccoli, or who insists that the crusts be cut off his sandwich…maybe you were this kid, once upon a time! For some kids, picky eating becomes more than just a phase and can develop into a bigger problem. These children may have a very short list of foods they can tolerate, or they may be extremely reluctant to eat more than a few bites at mealtimes.
Problems with food can snowball quickly, and are stressful for both children and parents. There’s no avoiding mealtimes, and food is a personal subject that brings up a lot of feelings. When a child rejects food, parents and children can be left feeling frustrated, hurt, and angry. Many parents also fear that their child is not getting the nutrition she needs to grow. Parents may find themselves bribing their children, cooking special meals the child is likely to eat, or getting into power struggles with their child over food. When kids are having these kinds of problems with eating, therapy can be an effective way to break the power struggle cycle and make mealtimes a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
When is picky eating a problem?
Plenty of picky eaters don’t need help: they’ll grow out of this phase on their own. For these kids, picky eating may be a minor annoyance, but it’s not likely to be causing problems with their friends or family. Other children may need a little extra help to expand the repertoire of foods they can eat. Here are some indicators that children’s picky eating may be causing bigger problems that need extra assistance:
· The child frequently tantrums at mealtimes, or cries when an unfamiliar or disliked food appears at the table.
· The child has a very small list of foods they like to eat…and the list may be getting smaller.
· Parents find themselves pleading, bargaining, or getting upset at mealtimes when the child refuses to eat
· Parents are making extra accommodations for the child, like cooking special meals or allowing TV at the dinner table
What causes picky eating?
Figuring out the source of a child’s difficulties with food is an important first step. For some kids, sensory sensitivities are an underlying cause of picky eating. These kids may find certain smells, flavors, tastes or temperatures of foods off-putting or overwhelming, even when the rest of the family has no problem with the meal. If your picky eater only eats foods with a certain texture, avoids very mushy or crunchy foods, or has difficulty with foods touching or mixing, they might fit in this category.
For other children, avoiding eating can be a way of gaining control. Because healthy eating is so important for growing children, parents and kids often get locked in a power struggle over food. Sometimes, the more a parent insists that a child eat, the more the child refuses, which worsens the cycle. These children may be feeling a bit “out of control” in other aspects of their lives, and mealtimes may be one of the few places that a child can call the shots.
How can I help my picky eater?
Helping children develop healthy eating habits takes time, but it can be done! Studies show that children may need to be exposed to a new food as many as 15-20 times before they are open to trying it regularly, so continuing to offer a variety of foods can help in the long run. In addition to being patient and persistent, here are a few other tips to try:
Model healthy eating for your child: Children learn from the adults in their lives, and observe how grownups behave in order to decide what they should do. Show your child that you enjoy a variety of fruits, vegetables, and other foods, and let them see you eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are full. Noticing that you are enjoying a “yucky” food might make a child more curious to try it himself!
Schedule (screen-free) family mealtimes: When possible, try to eat dinner as a family without distraction from phones or TV. Eating together can model healthy eating habits for kids, helps the family stay connected, and takes some of the pressure away, since the focus isn’t entirely on the child and her eating. While screen time might distract kids away from fussing in the short term, eating without screens promotes mindful eating and helps children develop an awareness of their hunger and fullness.
Encourage sensory play: Kids who avoid “yucky” textures in food sometimes benefit from messy play. Slime, play-doh, and other sensory-rich activities can help kids acclimate to textures or sensory stimuli they might be avoiding, so that they are not so overwhelmed the next time a mushy or sticky food arrives at the dinner table.
Counseling: Therapy can be a big help for severe picky eaters, whether they have sensory sensitivities, are locked in a power struggle, or a bit of both! Play therapy can help children reduce sensory sensitivities, work through their feelings, and expand the variety of foods in their diet. Parents can also learn ways to make mealtime a less stressful experience, and problem-solve issues specific to their child’s needs.
If you’d like to learn more about how to help a picky eater in your life, reach out to Davidson Family Therapy to speak to one of our children’s therapists.