In the wake of Black Friday, I have been thinking a lot about gratitude. Our culture pays a lot of lip service to being thankful for what we have. We celebrated a national holiday based on the concept! And yet, right after Thanksgiving, we are catapulted into the most materialistic season of the year. In this post, I’ll be talking about how to navigate the holiday season with children, using play therapy skills to teach children gratitude through play.
The day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday sales immediately start peddling the hottest new products to both adults and children. In fact, lots of kids’ culture is based on needing the hottest new toy, from unboxing videos on YouTube to TV commercials targeted directly at children to videogames that constantly push in-game purchases. In a world where Thanksgiving and Christmas are so loaded with messages about needing more, how can we help teach children gratitude and help them to be thankful for what they already have?
Lots of the skills that are “bread and butter” for play therapists can be used by parents at home to promote gratitude in a fun, engaging way. Here are 2 play and activity-based tips to consider if you’d like to encourage your children to develop a more thankful mindset.
Tip #1: Give Your Child Responsibility
In play therapy, we talk a lot about “returning responsibility” to a child, which simply means encouraging children to do things by themselves whenever possible. Rather than jumping in immediately to help if a child is working hard to open a jar lid or balance a tower of blocks, a play therapist allows the child to struggle a bit and try to achieve the task alone. With a little patience, the child can usually do the task all by herself, and feels proud of herself for doing it.
Being responsible for an activity can also help children be more grateful for the end result, because they appreciate the effort that went into it. When children are given a job to do during family chores, cooking, and cleaning, they feel more thankful and take less for granted. Try getting your child involved in preparing his own meals, and encourage your child to work at assembling their new lego set on her own before asking you for help.
Tip #2: Less is More
Play therapists work with toys for a living, and yet if you peek into a play therapist’s office, you’ll likely find a small collection of traditional and fairly “basic” items. Having a mountain of toys in the office can overwhelm children, making them feel more anxious and unfocused, so many play therapists take a “less is more” approach and carefully curate their playrooms to include classic toys rather than the latest “it” item of the season.
Studies show that kids with fewer toys focus for longer and play more creatively than children with more. A study published in Infant and Child Development showed that toddlers in a room with only 4 toys showed more imaginative and advanced play than children in a room with 16 toys. The kids in the 4-toy room were also able to play with their toys for longer periods of time, without becoming distracted.
Children don’t need every hot new toy advertised on TV, or 100 presents under the Christmas tree. In fact, teaching kids how to make do with less might lead to happier, more grateful kids.
Tip #3: Focus on the Memories
A recent “meme” went viral this past week challenging the readers to recall their favorite toys they received for Christmas when they were between the ages of 4-12. The challenge continued by urging the reader to recall their favorite traditions and memories from the same time frame. The challenge was made with the confidence that we all remember the traditions and memories far better than the individual toys and items we’ve received for the past holidays. This isn’t a surprise as many parents witness their children discard their “must have” holiday toys in the abyss of the forgotten toys in the toybox once springtime hits. Engage your children in activities sprinkled throughout the holiday season to keep their spirits high and focused on what truly counts- time spent with family and friends.
The holiday season is intended to be a fun and joyous time, but the pressure from a materialistic society attempts to seep in at every angle, shifting focus on deals and novelties. Try not to be fooled this season by thinking a certain item will make your loved ones happy, and rest assured knowing that research reveals that your presence and connection with your family and friends is what truly influences a joyful holiday.